this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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