i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
