obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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