Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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