9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
