Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
