just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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