Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize