So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Couch. On fire.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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