While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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