I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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