Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize