Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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