You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
