Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
