I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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