Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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