I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
