I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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