Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I looked at my own cervix.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
