This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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