the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
