Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize