Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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