i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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