i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
