grandma shit on top of the toilet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
