Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
