Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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