Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We need to rekindle our bromance
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
