So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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