I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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