You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
