your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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