I'm gonna have a badass scar
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize