I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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