ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
