grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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