Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
