Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
