wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
