i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
