My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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