My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
