A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
