In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
