I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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