you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
People in love make me want to vomit
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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