I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
