Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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