i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
