I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
