that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How external is "for external use only"?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
