You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
