Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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