Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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