I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
