Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
