I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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