two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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