Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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