In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cannot find my penis.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
