First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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