ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
