Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I smell stomach acid.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
