I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
